i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
