well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
