You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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