She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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