I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
