He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room