Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Randomize
