the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...