After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"