it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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