she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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