if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
