you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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