thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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