apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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