You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Barsexuality is the new black.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
