im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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