Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
