I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
