if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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