i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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