Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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