I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
