I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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