So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
