last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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