she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
