you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
