Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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