i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
