first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
