I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
