I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Im part way to drunk.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
