I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
