Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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