my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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