i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
