I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
