I feel like I'm in dance class right now
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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