You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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