The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
