No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm getting married
To pizza
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
