We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
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Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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