While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
