I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
only if we run a train.
done.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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