"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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