I wish I could punch you in the face.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
