The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do herpes really smell.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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