worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
