I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
