why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
