I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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