Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
