John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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