i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
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You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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