I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
