No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
