I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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