Yo dont text me then not text me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
