I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
