Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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