So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
