the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
