and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
