Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
