no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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