the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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