Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is it penis luge time yet?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.