Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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