im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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