OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
