My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
