Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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